After reviewing my other teachings on forgiveness, this final segment seeks to clarify what forgiveness is not! Some people get confused on these areas and it may lead to further hurt.

Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong. You don’t make excuses for the person’s behavior to justify it.  It does not minimize, justify, or excuse the offense. A wrong has occurred period! When you forgive, you are not condoning the wrong; on the contrary, you have to acknowledge it in order to forgive.

Forgiveness is not ignoring the wrong or pretending everything is okay when it’s not. When you pretend like you were not hurt when you were, you have not really dealt with the issue, nor have you forgiven the person. Pretending may make you feel better temporarily; however, eventually the pain will resurface.

Forgiveness is not the same thing as restored trust. When trust is broken in a relationship, the offender must truly repent and change their behavior in order for trust to be restored over time. Sometimes trust cannot be restored because of the depth of the hurt or the refusal of the offender to change.

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.  Reconciliation may or may not be possible or advisable.  As an example, if a babysitter were to abuse your minor child, you would forgive them as the Lord commands but you would also absolutely never allow that person to babysit your child again!

Sometimes in life, we need to walk away from relationships especially when someone is repeatedly hurtful, abusive and unrepentant of their actions. If you do reconcile, both parties must acknowledge the wrong and forgive. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” A healthy relationship requires two people both of whom are willing to accept full responsibility for their actions.